On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
