oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
