I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
