He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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