my sisters under your porch take her home
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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