he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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