she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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