after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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