Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
