someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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