Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize