I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
id be glad to
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
