My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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