Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
