If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
