i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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