Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
