Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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