I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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