That bitch ruined vodka saturday
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
be right there i have to get my cape
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
