i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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