i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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