Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
