I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
