I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
