sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
