Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
