I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
