Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
