guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
