He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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