Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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