Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The Olympian is in my bed
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