So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
