I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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