I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
