in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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