Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
