Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my vag is so smooth its legendary
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
