Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
soo... how was my night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
