In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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