I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
