a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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