HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
