My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They took my balls.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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