I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
