i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
