You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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