why didn't you poke me back
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
