Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
