i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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