do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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