So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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