If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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