Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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