your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dicks are not precious.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
