You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
