i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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