I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
