So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
