are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Success! We fucked roommates!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
