also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
