how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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