I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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