I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
