i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
