I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
