I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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