i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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