Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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