before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
