I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
