I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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