what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
