she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
