it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
