dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
