Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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