Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
