I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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